* I wrote this 6 months ago, I'm in a better place now, but decided maybe I should share it...

Some days I miss Bolivia, I miss Bolivia so much it hurts. The girls, my friends, all that I did, the simplicity of life, the girls I sometimes called mine "mis chicas." It was a tough life at times, but I was "happier" then, in some ways. Now, it feels like I'm only "happy" when I'm with people and when it's over and i'm back at home, i'm miserable; I can't carry that happiness, that energy with me like I used to and be fueled for awhile.

Part of it is readjusting back to my culture, but part of it is just being an adult-growing up and finding your own place in the world. I know where I'm going (big picture), but what about now (small pic/details)? There's no social aspect or community created for me like it has been all my life until now, and I know I am struggling to find that sense of community again. I have some amazing friends, don't get me wrong, but they are spread out all over the world. That's what comes with a life of big moves and transitions, but I know deep down I made the right choice and am following my path. God has a plan.....he's saved me thus far for a purpose..

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a near death experience. My older sister was driving after school and was late for work. She was flustered. A train was coming, the signals flashing and the bars descending ever so slowly and the train. I saw it beeping, loud, coming towards my passenger side. She flew over the tracks and though swerved, just barely missed the bars. That was the scariest thing I have ever experienced, until last year when God saved me again when I was assaulted. God not only saved my life, He saved my purity and my dignity and taught me to forgive those heartless and greedy pigs (that's what I thought of them at that moment). I did forgive them and my heart wasn't heavy anymore, but I was still shaken. He led me to angels, and made me strong, over time and not without help.

Now I'm here, I don't feel strong anymore, I feel out of whack and unbalanced. Where is that happy go lucky, adventurous, talkative, silly person I used to be? Even through the toughest times in Bolivia, be it with the girls or my own experiences, I always found myself again, but this time she seems buried so deep only when the sun shines and a friend is near is she found again...